8.05 er Metro.

Oi to 8:05 er train dhukbe. Bas sudhu chokh bujhe jhap dewar pala. Sob problem solved. Tinnir sathe khitir mitir, barite pawnadarer humki, office e boss er jhar, baba mayer sathe monomalinyo.... sob sesh , ar 5 min tarpor kal khoborer kagojer pacher patar ba deek e 2 by 3 inch er khobor hoye jabo. "Metro rail e attoghati jubok"

'you are my pumkin pumkin hello hunny bunny....tell me something something.....'  

ei dekho... ekhon ke phone korche? Tinni ki? Bhool bujhte pere mitmat korte chay? na eto unknown number... dhorei dekhi....

"Hello, ke bolchen?"

"Sir ami abc bank theke Ria kotha bolchi.Apnar 2 min somay chai sir"

'bank er phone! metro rail er moddhe kono dorkari phone kora jayna kintoo era thik network pay.... oi kothay ache na wherever you go our network follows... dekhte hobe sworgge eder call asey kina'

"2 min ? janen amar jibon er ar ei 4 min 35 sec baki ache ar tar theke apnake 2 min diye debo ami?"

"Sir, apni amader bank er ekjon mulyoban customer."

"Mulyoban? Jak ei sesh somay keu ontoto amar mulyo bujhte parlo. Ta bolun ki bolben?"

"Sir apnar jonye amader bank ekta credi card offer korche. Tar features holo...."

"Arey daran daran daran, credit card? jar sara jobon sudhu credit korei kete gelo takey credit card? Bhaloi bollen. Ta apnader card ami keno nebo?"

"Sir er sathe apni cashback paben, reward point, movie ticket free....."

"Thak thak, ar bolte hobena.Bujhlam apnar ei card nile amar jibon ekebare 14 inch black and white tv theke multiplex er screen hoye jabe. Kinto madam ami je eta nite parbo na."

"Sir ekbar dekhun na please. Amader card er sathe ekta pre approved loan o ache."

"Sunun madam, sposto bhasay bolchi. Ami ekhon nijei denar daye dube. Office e boss er sathe roj khitmit, prem e halfsole, barite bawal. Tai atmohotya korbo thik korechi aj. Ekhon Kalighat station e, ei 2 min pore train asche"

"Sir atohotya jokhon korben e thik korechen ta amader credit card ta ekbar niyei koruun  na attohotya. Jibon dewa to khub sojoj, je kono din dite parben. tobe aj ei card ta nile amar ei masher target puro hoye jabe. ar ek masher jonne amar babar chikisshe ta korte parbo, barite choto duto boner mukhe khawar tule dite parbo, robibar partopokkher samne seje guje dariye babake ei swapno dekhate parbo te tar meyer o biye hobe ekdin. ki sir bhebe dekhun na ekbar, apni eto gulo lok ke ek masher bachar rosod jogate parben....Sir, chup kore gelen keno? Apni achen naki jhap diyechen?"

"Na , jhap ar dite parlam koi. Aj bari jai bujhlen to. Jibone problem to thakbei tobe tar jonno paliye jabo keno? Dekhi apnar credit card er sathei ekta notun kore lorai suru korte."

Bhardra'r Bostrohoron

'Dekh aj paper e ki diyeche.' Gatu hafate hafate ese bollo. 'Ki diyeche? toke bharatratna dewa hobe?' Bhadrar tipponi. 'Tui 

'Arey dekh e na' Gatu bollo. Bhadra paper ta chiniye niye ucchoshor e porte laglo. 'Aaaj mukhomontri ghosona korechen je Sombhu Mitra er jonmodin upolokkhe agami 22 e august theke star theater e amateur nattoutsob hobe. sekhane natok er utsahi sobai jog dite ppaarbern....... '

'Se to bujhlam. Ta tui thik ki korte chaichis Gatu?', Ami bollam. 'Arey amrao natok korbo. Tai to Gatu.?' Rajat bollo. 'Thik bolechis rajat' Gatu r uttor.

'Accha natok korle ki poisa debe amader?' Ani jante chailo. 'E sala poisa poisa korei gelo. are sonoskriti silpo eisob kichu bujhis tui?' Bhadra bollo. 'Or sonoskriti mane suny leone ar silpo mahe hostosilpo' Sumit er tipponi.

'Onek chablami hoyeche ebar seriously plan ta thik kor. Ki natok ? ke ki role korbe? arey Surit chup kore na theke kichu bol na.' Rajat bollo. 'Plan to ekta mathay eseche. Mahabharat ke notun angik e prokash korbo. Droupodir bostrohoron er part ta. Ajkalkar somay e eta khub relevant. thik thak korte parle award o jute jete pare kopal e' Ami bollam. 'Ar ke kon role korbe? tar cheye boro kotha Droupodi ta ke hobe?' Gatu bollo. 'arey amra ageykar diner jatrapalar moto korbo. Chelerai meye sajbe, pechone orchestra bajbe...' ami bollam. 'Ta amader moddhe Chapal Bhaduri ta ke hobe suni?' Rajat bollo. 'Guess kor?' ami chokh mere bollam. 'Hmm' rajat bollo. 'Hmmmm' Gatu bollo. 'Naa na , ei aaami na, ami keno ? na na ... ani ke kor draupadi.' bhadra atke uthe bollo.  'Amake Draupadi korle kintoo ami natok korchi na' Ani r ghosona .Etokhon Sumit chupchap sunchilo, ebar bole uthlo 'Arey tui to, tui chara ar ke .... arey ekbar bhab ki exposure ta pabi tui. bhab tui kader footstep follow korchis...sisir ghose, sombhu mitra, utpal dutta, chapal bhaduri.....' 'Rituporno Ghosh' ani sesh korlo kothata. 'Ei dushason , phajlami na mere chup kore bosh.' ami bollam. 'Ami Dushason, ami bostrohoron korbo... hey hey  hey....' Ani utsaher sathe bole uthlo. 'Ei prothom Dushason er role peye kauke eto utsahito hote dekhlam' gatu bole uthlo. 'Cast ta holo Bhadra- Draupadi, Ani- Dushason, Gatu- Krishna, Rajat- Dhritorastro, Sumit- Judhisthir, Bose- Korno, Mama-Shakuni, ar ami Durjodhon.' 'Ami late e asechi bole amake Korno r role dibi tora?' Bose er mridu protibaad. 'Na korle tor kaan tene lombokorno kore debo' rajat janalo , 'athoba Bikorno' gatu jog korlo.

Tar por din theke lake e amader natok er rehersal jorkodom e suru hoye gelo. Amra lake er public der kach thekeo utsaho pete laglam. Jodio lake er kichu premik jugol tader shanti bhongo korate amader kinchit kotu kotha bolechilo kintoo mohot karje esob hotei pare tai amra esob patta di ni. er moddhe ekdin ek Brihonnola Bhadrer abhinoy dekhe okey 10 taka upohar diye gelo. Seta peye Bhadra aro utsahito hoye uthlo ar soyone swapone nijer nari sotta ke jagroto korte laglo. Dekhte dekhte natok er din uposthit holo. Amra giye dekhi theater dorshok asone purno tobe free entry thakar dorun amra jerokom er dorshok expect korechilam thik serokom class er dorsok hoyni. Stage ta amra duto bhag e bhag kore rekhechilam, samner deek e dyutsobha ar piconer deek e ekta basher macha kore sekhane Srikrishno ke rakha hobe thik hoyechilo. Amader Kestothakur ekta moi chore sei machay uthben eta.

Natok besh bhaloi suru holo. Bisesh kore jokhon Draupadi sobahy prothom uposthit holo tokhon minute du-ek sitir awaz e amader natok bondho rakhte hoyechilo. Ar hobei ba na keno, Bhadra ke draupodi roop e bhaloi maniyechilo. Ami to Jidhisthir ke etao bolte sunlam 'Ulllush , ekebare makon diye mekhe khawa jabe.' 'Control Judhisthir control' Korno bole uthlo. Dhritorastro o  kalo chosmar phak diye archoke Draupadi ke lolup dristite dekhte laglo. Tarpor sei knon elo jar jonne amader Dushashon apekkha kore boshe chilo. Bhadrar bostrohoron, thuri Draupadir bostrohoron. Krishna r o itimoddhe machay uthe sari supply korte ready hoye thakar kotha. ami tao sms kore dilam je 'machay uthe porechis to?'. Krishna reply dilo 'arey chinta korisna , ei star theater ami amar hater talur moto chini. hey hey.'

Dushason moha utsahe sari dhore tante laglo ar Bhadra (draupadi) hath jor kore 'hey madhusudhan hey madhusudhan bole dakte laglo. Ek minute du minute hoye gelo itimoddhe sari o paray sesh hoyegelo tobu 'Modhusudan' tar sarir stock supply kora suru korlo na. Kintoo Dushason to njer character e puro dhuke roiche ar amio 'kya baat kya baat, najuk najuk' bole utsaho diye jacchilam. Tai utsahito hoye se puro saritai khule phello. Stage e sudhu Draupadi ar tar 'Polka dotted' bermuda. Dhritorastro ekhon tar kalo chosma khule haa kore Drupodir sei rup gilte suru koreche. Dushason sei bermudar proti o hath bariyechilo kintoo Draupadir dhakkay chitke pore julu julu dristite amar deek e cheye takiye poroborti adesh erjonne apekkha korte laglo.

 Tobuo Madhusudhan er patta nei. Hothat 'tup' - ekta mobile phone , tarpor 'dhup' - mohinimohan kanjilal er sari ebong sobar seshe 'dhoom'- soyong Sri Krishna stage e abirbhuto holen. Ebong jei Draupadi Krishna ke dekhte pelo onmi bacha bacha khisti marte suru korlo. Etokhon dorshok bhabchilo je egulo sob natok e angsho kintoo Draupadi r mukher bhasha sune tara bujhte parlo je natok ekhon dwapor theke koli juge abotirno hoyeche, abotirno hoyeche rajsobha theke cha er thek e. Taro prostut chilo. Prothom dheel ta amar e mathy porlo. Hothat stage er sob alo nibhe gelo ar amra chacha apon pran bacha bole stage chere palalam.   

Pechone e sudhu poreroilo Sri Madhusudhan. Se chitkar kore bolte laglo 'ore rajat, ore Surit, ore Bhadra...amake ektu tule dhor amake phele jashni.....' 

Pore sob ghotona bojha gelo. Madhusudhan er to alpo role tai se bore bose facebook korchilo ar seta korte giye somay er gyan chilo na. Hothat Draupadir chitkar e hush phere ebon tarahuro kore machay uthte giye sobsuddho niche pore jay. Ar stage er alo nibhe jawar jonne dayi amader Korno. Bipod bujhe se guti guti paye stage theke kete pore ar stage er alo nibhiye daye. Ar Madhusudhan , sedin se amader sahajjo charai palate perechilo tobe paye hete noy ambulance kore. Amra ekhon lake e adda mari na. roj 6ta theke 8ta amader adda bosey Ruby Hospital e , Orthopedic ward e. Okankar nurse ra besh sundari. Tader golpo pore abar kothono bolbo.

Bhadrar Pachali

On public demand the 3 parts together(edited & updated) for the first time…
Here it goes……

Baruipur holo oti kukhato sthan
bohu mental patient setha kore odisthan
tahar moddhe jini number one hon
tahari pachali ami korchi bornon
naam tar holo giye bhadra abhi
kaajkormo kichue nei, kathi kora hobby
tar mortodham e agomon er itihash holo-
puro attention diye sobai koro seta follow
ager jonme se sorgyo-dhamer darwan chilo
sekhan theke prithibite demoted holo
jaliye berato sekhane se sob debotare
irritated surogon gono petition kore
bole “swarga theke maltake tarao ebar”
keu keu chepe dhore hari r collar
bollo tara harike “tui holi paler goda
kobe taracchish maltake bol haramjada”(ma-bonera ei sobder sthan e ‘beep’ uccharon korte paren)
aboseshe sri hari ordinance dilo
“aji hote bhadra abhi deported holo
ei siddhanter repurcation dangerous hobe
mortobashi bacha bacha khisti amay debe
tader upor bhadra dara bohu atyachar hobe
tai as compensation tara ‘katrina kaif’ pabe
ar ekta prediction kore pheli ebar
bhadra er kirtikahini ghoorbe mukhe sobar
beche thaktei e cheler 1000 statue hobe
regular kak-era tatey ‘potty’ kore jabe”
erpor sri hari ekta short break nilo
champagne ar dollar er phowara uthilo
debotara anondete pagol hoye galo
background e ‘kajrare’ bajite lagilo
sorgete punoray shanti phire elo
mortobashir suffering er quota suru holo
bhadra jedin prithibite 1st appearence dilo
tar hamba hamba chitkare jogot mukhorito holo
sob poshu pakhir kaan jhalapala holo
pakhira sob bharat chere bangladesh palalo
sekhane tara refugee hoye theke galo
ration card voter id kichu nahi pelo
char peye pranira holona border paar
dui desher majhkhane je chilo katatar
frustrated hoye they prayed to sri hari
kachumachu hoye hari bollo “I’m sorry”
“mairi bolchi okey niye ar parchilam na guru
amar suffering sesh hoyeche tomaderta suru
chaile tomra ei cheleke di kokiler swar ”
kintoo tatey kokilder apotti ghorotor
sobai mile brainstorming korte laglo
at last monushyo swar finalize holo
awaz bodlaleo cheler shobhab change na hoy
ghas khay ar mathe gathe chore se beray
tai tar jonno khoja holo ekta gowal
gowaler naam chilo ‘b d memorial’
sekhane manush korar hazar cheasta holo
teacherera regular takey thangate laglo
kintoo ei theory tar goray chilo golod
gadha pitiye manush isin’t applicable for ‘Bolod’
ei situation e kobi ki bolten ami jani
“REKHECHO BHADRA KORE MANUSH KORONI”
teacherder sob cheasta jokhon holo fail
punishment holo suru phele diye scale
classer baire sorboda se korto adhisthan
‘Outstanding’ studentder moddhey 1no sthan
jonopriyotay tar level chilo irshonio
‘ABhadra’ bole dakey jara bondhusthaniyo…
bondhuder sathe jokhon se mondarmoni gelo
prokritir sobha dekhe chosma haralo (ekhane prokriti mane nature noy…..)
lal kakrar chobi se jokhon tulte jay
bacchara chepe dhore pocket kete nay
raichak swimming pool e tar pa kete jay
shurusha karini ke dekhe se kende phele prai
tarpor buffet e emon khawa khelo
kottripokkho pordin theke item komalo
ebar ektu future cholo chole jai
saal 2012 ‘world’s end’ ar deri nai
prithibi bachanor sob cheasta fail hoye galo
haal chere istonaam sobe jopte laglo
scientist ra mondir giye sankirtan kore
sadhu sonnashi ra jay chandni bar e
ekdin Buddhadev swapnadesh pelo
debi roope Mamata abhirbhoota holo
bollo’ prithibi bachanor upay ektai
tar jonno bhadra ke manush kora chai’
e ashombhob kaaj ki adao kora jabe?
rastrapunje sobe mile ei kothai bhabe
oboseshe Osama bin laden dilen bidhan
‘biye dao bhadrar ‘- etai somadhan
jedin theke bhadra abhi bibahito holo
se ar bhadra roilono , ‘MANUSH HOYE GELO’
prithibi dhongsher hoye gelo somadhan
ei holo bhadrer mohan ‘attobolidaan’
eti bhdrar panchali hoilo khatam
users guide boli sunoho akhon
e pachali ekmone je korbe shrobon
chul pore tak pabe chander moton
bisesh kore 1st april korle pothon
chaturborgo phal labh hoibe tokhon
chul er songe tar daant o pore jabe
choshma ar hearing aid lagate hobe
jodi keu rock & roll surey pachaliti pore
ekta noy dosta matha hobe tar ghare
rap kore e pachali gaile jeno
gayer rong pabe alkatra somo
tobe himesh er sur e keu eta path korona
public hebbi kelabe keu banchabena
e pachali jodi karo bhalo lege thake
rochonakar ke shadhubad koro prottyeke
e panchali jodi karo bhalo nahi lagey
bhadra ke jutopeta koro sobar agey
pachali sesh holeo thaklo pore resh
kobir kothay “sesh hoyeo jeno hoilo na sesh”…….

(Regardless of the enormous number of threats & warning that I got from Bhadra I am posting this publicly. Pray for me)

Beltala Blues

During my driving days I realized that driving was easy but getting 'license to drive' was the tricky part. As my classes were on the verge of end, the thought of failing in driving exam started creeping into my mind. There was as such no valid reason for it but somehow I was not at all satisfied about my driving skills. If it was me taking my exam I would have surely failed myself. Blame it on my cab driver who is excellent behind the wheels & the dream of driving like him in those 15 days made me sulk. The only change I noticed was the attitude of my teacher during the last few days. He transformed from his criticizing self to an encouraging self & was even encouraging me in my mistakes. I suppose the reason behind it might be the 'Gurudakshina' (some extra income), which I promised to pay if I passed the exam.
The D-day was near. The two devils I mentioned before (Biswal & Ojha) had already passed their exams. They told about their experience, gave me tips for success & eventually made me more nervous.
On that day I reached at 1 pm at Maddox Square (a place with many old memories not relevant to this topic though). The place was a complete chaos. There were people of all shapes & sizes, cars of prehistoric ages & a few people from the training centers. But the most awaited one was no where seen. We waited & waited like a band on Romeo's waiting for Juliet to appear. But time was precious so we all were given a trial run before the final exam. As always there was gender bias-ness & we had our turn after the fairer sex finished the trial. The person from the training center was a grumpy man (as told before by Biswal) & was misbehaving with everyone ,except a few ,(bias-ness one more). This time the car did not stop while starting. I was regaining my confidence. Next was trial for signal test. We were made to stand in a line. One of them started shouting 'Right turn, Left turn, Starting signal.......' & we were showing those. This reminded me of my school days where we did PT during sports class. I was doing as miserable as I did during those PT classes. My terrible sense of direction made the situation more worse. It takes time for me to determine what is left & right. Blame my apolitical outlook for this. So I decided to do 'follow the leader' & started  doing exactly what the person in front was doing. Next was the turn for the actual exam.
After a wait of 3 hours our Juliet finally appeared. Well, he can surely give a competition to the annoying girlfriends who keeps you waiting for hours. Our group was quickly divided into 4 subgroups & were posted at 4 corners of the park. First it was gender bias-ness once more. He was sitting in the front seat beside the driver & 4 persons were told to enter the Maruti 800, one in front, 3 behind. When the first one finished his test he was deserted at the middle of the road & another from the back seat occupied his place. This process continued till all the 4 were done with. Next they picked up 4 more from the nearest available corner. There was another Training car following the maruti 800 with another 4 persons for situations when there was no nearest corner available. To top it up one of the training center guy was jogging beside the test car giving instructions to the driver. Now you can figure out the speed with which we were driving. In our case the Grumpy guy started running. 'Well, now I realize the cause of his grumpiness.' 
When it was my turn to take the drivers seat, he asked me my name. I replied. 'Well I did answer the first question right'. Next he ordered to start the car. I started the engine, pressed the clutch, shifted gear & did the most difficult task successfully. 'to lose your gear in 5 seconds without stopping the car.' Well I did it. Done with the hard part. I was so overwhelmed with my success that I did not realize that my car was going to bump into a parked car. The constant shouting from outside made me take control of the steering & I quickly shifted to second gear. 'Stop here' he ordered. My driving test was over. With rats running inside my stomach(due to both tension & hunger) I returned to the starting place. The successful candidates were returned their applications whereas the failed one complained, argued, begged for another chance. I got my application back. After everyone was done with their test we were routed to Motor Vehicles office at Beltala. It was 5 mins walk from the Park. Now my long legs & young age came into use. I quickly took top gear & overtook most of them & finished among the top 5 at the office. Well I deliberately left a few people in front of me as I was reluctant to be the first one. At the signal test the first signal which I showed was wrong. 'Oh shit, not this time. This was supposed to be the easy part. I don't want to fail here. God, please save me.' My prayers were heard and God sent his angel. 'So you live in Rajpur?' I heard another voice. Yes' , I replied. 'I also live there' the Angel replied. My Angel was in form of a old person working there who was checking my documents. I started chatting with him & suddenly realized that my test was abruptly over & another person was giving the signal test. But the Blues did not end there. Due to server issue we had to go there the next day for the photograph & signature. Well that's another story.

Hirak Rajar Deshe

'Aha ki durghondho akashe batashe....

Rastar manhole, khola porey  - sishu khele tari pasey...'

Bagha: "Accha Gupi'da. Eta ki Hiroker desh naki Noroker desh? E to bhromon na norokjontrona?"

Gupi:  "Boroi birombona. Chol jai Rajar sobhay. Dekhi okhane ki hoy."

Hirok Rajar Sobha..... 

 Raja: "Bolo monrti ki khobor?"
  

Montri: "Hujur khobor ta besh jobor

             Lok palokera bikkhubddho

             tara daklo je juddho"
  

Raja: "bolo ki ekebare juddho?

          jane na tate Raja hobben kruddho?"
  

Montri "Janei to esob kotha

            tate nei je tader mathabetha

            corruption er dhuo tule

            lok khepacche sobe mile"

Raja: "Bote! tader eto aspordha!!!

          Rajare korche obogga

          ache er ektai dawai"
  

Somobeto konthe: "Mogoj dholai mogoj dholai"
   

Bikhubdho Montri: "ote hobena kono kaaj

                               jonogon seyana, hey moharaaj"

Raja: " Tomar kotha keno sunbo?

           tumi to hey Bikkhubdho

           Janona? eki porinotoi sob andolon

            mostiskho prokkhalon"
  

Bidushok: "apni bhule jacchen ki moharaj, apnara je sobai mudrar epeeth ar opeeth. Corruption er byapare sobai je soman apnara."

Raja: "Eki kotha Bidushok

          chondo mela je aboshok

         bolcho keno kotha bhinno?

         tomar kaaj je sudhu lok hashano"

Bidushok: "ki kori bolun moharaj, apnara nijerai ja sob kando korchen tatei lok hasahashi korche. amake ar sei kaj korte hobe na. Ei nin istofa amar."

Montri: "tumi ekta chamar"

(Bidushok er prosthan)

Raja: "jotosob ajob kotha
         poramorsho dicche britha
         kal jodie hoy  indropoton
         amar shonsar ke thelbe tokhon?
         bidushok ta maha bellik"

Somobeto kontho: "thik thik thik"

Montri:"shanto hon raja moshai
            korchen ki rager mathay?
           nijer mukhe swikar kore?
           bansh nicchen nijer ghare
           daran, ektu matha khatai
           baar kori ekta dawai.

(Montri matha khatano suru korlo.)

Bikkhubdho montri: "ektu amod cholbe naki?
                                sonaona ekta jibonmukhi" (gayok montrir uddeshey)

Kotoi rongo dekhi duniay....
obhai bhai re..
kotoi rongo dekhi duniay

ami jedeek e takai obak bone jai

kul kinara khuje nahi paire...o bhai
Bhalo je se election e haare
Mondo je se singhason e chore
Krisoker e jomi, hoy rahajani
pujipoti, aro dhoni hoy re...

o bhai kotoi rongo dekhi duniay..

Rin er bojha deshe abostha sorboneshe

Kalo taka Swiss Bank moy re...o bhai...
   

Raja: "Thamao akhon , sotyo-bhashon

          chile 'Kobi' korlam montri

           hoye gele je sorojontri!!!

          amar kheye amar porey

          amari diccho khoti kore?

          esob ki kore mana jay?"

Somobeto kontho: "bhari onnay bhari onnay"

Raja: "aj theke tumi nirbashito
           media coverage theke bonchito"

(Matha nichu kore Gayok er prosthan.)

Raja:"joto sob apod amar kopale
          pondit kichudin har jalale
         dilam kore mogoj dholai
         ekhon beta coaching chalay
         ebar elen kon anna
         tini je abar kichue khanna"

Montri:  "bujhi na jonogoner kheyal
              ekjoner anoshone sobai behal
              nakheye morlo koto, holo koto amlasol"

Somobeto kontho: "tokhon to keu koreni hottogol?"

Raja: "ekhon ki hobe upay?
         palabodol je thekano daay"

Bikkhubdho Montri: "Upay bar hoye jabe
                               etar o sei haal korte hobe
                               sob andolon er je haal hoy"

Raja: "Ki se upay ki se upay?"

Montri: "kichu dabi mana holey
             jonogon sob jabe bhule
             tarpor sei purano koushol"

Somobeto kontho: "benojol benojol"

Bagha; "sorbonash kotha je Gupi'da. Era to ei andolon takeo sesh kore debe. Ekbar rajnitir rong lagle ki ar kichu kora jabe?"

 Gupi: "Hoyto kichu kora jabe na. Tobu ekta cheasta to kora holo. Ke bolte pare bhobishot e ki lekha ache.  Totodin je amader lorai chaliye jete hobe."

(Gupi, Bagha r prosthan........)

My Experiments with the four wheels

“A lot can happen over a cup of coffee”. Yes, you are right. Its the tagline of a famous coffee joint. But I was amazed to see how this line will prove to be true for my life. Well not exactly, but little modified. A lot can happen in a tea break.
It was just an ordinary day, same work, same colleagues, same workstation & most importantly the same office. Me, Biswal & Ojha went down to have a cup of tea (the only refreshment in the monotonous software ordeal). The only time we could rest our straining fingers (due to excessive social networking & chats) & see the beauty of this nature (mostly from the office opposite to ours).
Suddenly Biswal told that “Me & Ojha are planning to learn driving & get a license before we leave Kolkata”. They were about to leave Kolkata soon. “We have called a person from the driving school & he will be arriving in any minute” he told. I had always nurtured the dream of driving a Merc or BMW. The main obstacle to it was my lack of driving knowledge (ignoring the fact that neither I own a Merc or BMW nor have the money to own it in future).
“I will learn too.” I told.
He came in a green old maruti 800 , the one model which is obsolete now a days. Since Ojha & Biswal were in a hurry to get the license he told them to get the required docs & photo on that day only. So my dear friends deserted me infront of the office gate & went inside to get the docs.
“We will start with you.” he told. “In the mean time they can get those docs”. “But I was here for a cup of tea only” I mumbled but my words seemed to be unheard by him. “we will start with the theory first & then we’ll start driving”. Have I heard theory? The word theory never sounded so beautiful. “ok” I replied. He asked me to get in the drivers seat & showed me the ABC of the car, the gear box & then the order came. “ok, now you start the car”. “Me? Are you kidding me? Why don’t we do a little more theory, I am good at that. What will happen to me now?” all those questions were pouncing on my head as I started the engine, pressed clutch, shifted to 1st gear, released the gear & finally closed my eyes. “Oh God , Please save me. why on earth did I told those devils that I want to learn driving?” But to my surprise the car kept on moving. My hands were folded in prayer, eyes shut closed in order to avoid the view of the car crashing into something or someone. “What should I do now? should I jump out of that small window or should I yell out for help? ” When I opened my eyes I saw the instructor operating the car. “Thank god they have an extra pair of clutch & brake in that car. Now I feel safe.” The next danger was just over the next turn. The main road. “Shouldn’t we practice in open field first & later hit the road?” I asked but my trainer denounced my suggestion. I could see buses, cars & even cycles & pedestrians overtaking my car as we were driving at a 5km/hr speed on the main road.
In a few classes confidence grew & 5 was changed to 15 to 25 to 30km/hr. Now I was able to overtake the cycles. Meanwhile Biswal & Ojha were taking the lesson too & as expected doing better than me. Every time they will tell me how the drove or what speed they took making me more miserable. “Guys, why me? why you are not picking someone of your own size? If you devils were not there in my life I wouldn’t have been struck here in the first place. Well classes went by, my number of mistakes kept on increasing. Car stopping in the traffic, continuous honking by others made me more & more nervous but still somehow I fought my way out of in those 15 days & got the most important lesson in driving. Its just “how to loose your clutch in five seconds”.
PS: Now I have passed the driving test & on the verge of getting the license. So now you can see how a tea break have changed my life. I just went for a cup of tea & returned with the knowledge of ABC extending to the addition of another photo id to my kitty.

a B-Grade Day..

Just before the dirty mind comes into action let me confirm that this post not regarding the first thing that come to your mind after reading this headline. So if you are disappointed to hear this then please don't read any further.
The B-Grade here is a parade ground for the army, located in Kolkata a place for political meetings & rallies. Now its turn to disappointed the political brains. This post is not at all politically motivated & is an effort to view those days from the eyes of a Common man.
Brigade cholo is a common line for the bengalis. A recent survey showed that its the 3rd common word spoken by bengali people in their  day to day life. (The first & second being shala & #@%^&*@ )
Before knowing their home address each kid gets to learn the address of Brigade parade ground. And this is due to the flurry of rallies held there by the Left-Right & Centre.
 The word Brigade cholo though having different meaning for different people.
For the top level leaders -an acid test , an opportunity to show their strength & to see the opponent party's strength (in terms on the total headcount).
The second , third, other tier leaders- Obey what the high command orders & make sure the attendance is not less than a lakh.
Hardcore supporters- Giving the attendance.
Crowd- Be a part of the Crowd, get entertained, a free meal. You never know that it could be your lucky day- your face being shown on TV. If you get a chance to give a bite(though 90% of those are fixed beforehand) - then it could be the most memorable day in your life.
Common man- Traffic jam, packed bus-trains or a holiday.
Now as you are aware of the topic lets discuss how I felt in the latest Brigade cholo day.
Since I am fortunate enough to live in the urban area &  sensible enough to let go an opportunity of a free meal & sight seeing, I try to stay away from this area as far as possible. But it would be unfair to say that the thrill of riding an overcrowded matadoor or the  fun of being in the crowd of thousands never crossed my imagination. But the responsibility of being The Common Man made me abstain these Funs of life.
Coming back to the topic , it was called by the ruling party & was a sahid dibos as well as a bijoy dibos for them. (though both of the days had no connection with one another). But it was different. A total change from the earlier Brigades. There was song (not gonosangeet), dance , performance alowgwith the regular schedule of boktrita & gurubondona (I will come to it later). It was Shatabdi & Debashree dancing in the rain but not to the usual tune or usual manner in which we have seen them before. The tollywood hero Dev made a special appearance & his act was unusual too. He started singing(in a pathetic voice) Paglu , thora sa karle romance.!!!  The rainy weather was perfect for romancing but the ambiance was not. Well , I think he was not aware of the event properly or else he could have sung dadu (read dada here) gelo chomke. 
But our veteran actors & new born politicians were not that dumb. Mr Tapas Pal sung  ay amar guru-dokkhina, guru ke janai pronam (we can ignore the gender error here). Well he should really thank the Supremo for reviving his acting career as well as giving him an alternate career.
Mr Chiranjeet did Sudhu Tomar Bani Noy Hey Bandhu Hey Priyo. Majhe Majhe Prane Tomar Paros Khani Diyo . Now please ignore my dirty mind if the word porosh bears more than one meaning for me. Mr Mullik too was present but I think the crowd would have been happier to see her daughter instead. One thing which impressed me the most is that the CM let the entertainment part in the hand of professionals this time & she herself stayed away from any such acts. Well, till this part I was referring to Star Anondo. Now as I came to 24 Ghonta it was the Lords test (100th between India & England , 2000 in overall history of cricket). The 24 Ghonta channel were more focused in international matter rather than petty local politics (no pun intended).
This is a snapshot of what happened in the two channels during that day.
12PM :
Star Anondo- Bristi upekkha kore brigade e jono jowar. Kolkata police shustho bhabe Traffic niyontron korche. Jan cholachol shabhabhik.
24Ghonta- Brigader chape sohorer nabhishah. Jan cholachol stobdho.
1 PM:
Star Anondo- Katare katare manush Brigade mukhi. Manusher utsaher samne bristi o har mene gelo.
 24Ghonta- Aj Lords test suru hocche.
2 PM:
Star Anondo- Apnara dekhchen Brigade er chobi sorasori star anonde.
 24Ghonta- Dhoni toss jitey fielding nilen. Oitihashik test suru hote ar kichukhon.
3 PM: 
 Star Anondo- Aj ek Oitihashik muhurter sahhki hoye roilo ei Brigade. Mukkho montri tar Sombhabbho kormosuchi janlen. Agami dos bochor chup kore dekhun - bollen tini.
  24Ghonta- Yuvraj singh baad ar tar jaygay Raina r antorbhukti Sombhabbho bharotiyo ekadosh e.
5 PM: 
Star Anondo- Sobha sesh e mukkhomontrir ahobhane safai kaj suru. Kalker moddhe Brigade purano chehar phire pacche, janalen tini.
 24Ghonta-  Eta ki manuser Brigade na aborjonar brigade?? Bisesh protbedon sondhey 7 tay.

---from the eyes of a Common Man---