Osama marilen Obama

Ei prithibite duiti bisesh jati bash koria thake. Prothomjon Osama somproday-bhukto, jahara onner poschatdeshe kathi koria biseshrupe amod labh koria thaken ar dwitiyo Obama somprodayer jaharao Kathi koria amod labh koren kintoo kathi khaiya telebegune joliya othen ar baansh niya Kathikarir pocchatdeshe aghat koria thaken.
Ehara eke oporer poschate somantale kathi koria thaken, sudhu bisesh bisesh khetre kathir akar bodol hoiya jay.
Ei duiti jati purbe eki gosthibhukto chilo jahar naam Samrajjobaadi gosthi. Pore tahara bibhajito hoiya Moulobaad(Osama gosthi) ebong Dadagiribaad (Obama gosthi) pontha obolombon koren.
Osama bin laden emon ekti poribare jonmoghohon koriachilen jekhane orther prachurjo ar sei orther uttoradhikaridero bahullo bortoman chilo. Tinio tahar pitar podanko anusoron koriyachilen ebong tahar nijo ourosjato sontander ekti bishal bahini banaiya pheliyachilen. Ehao sona jay je tahar sontansonkkha gonona koribar jonno tini ek hisabrokkhok ke nijukto koriachilen. Adhuna afganisthan e “Laden er baccha” sobdoti galagali rupe abhihito na hoiya ekti bishsh bongsho ke bojaay karon 10 er moddhe 3 jon afghan e kono na kono sutre laden-eri sontan. Ei mohot karjoti somponno koribar jonno tahake bohu baar panigrohono korite hoiyachilo. Lekhoker onumaan je bohu daar proribrito Osamar sangsarik jibon kodapi shantimoy chilo na ebong ehai tahar Prithibir shanti binosto karje noyojito howar onnotomo karon.
Joubone tini moulobaad, bibad, Islamabaad probhiti nanarokom borjonkari sikkhay sikkhito hoiyachilen jahar pholsworup tini manobikota ke sompurnorupe borjon koria phelen.
Tahar Kathi koribar asamanya protibha dekhiya totkalin Obama gosthi tahake purber Sammyobadider poschatdeshe kathi koroner jonno nanabidho kathi diya sahajjyo koria chilen. Kintoo ehao sothik je manushyer sobhab amrittyukal poriborton hoy na, tai Sammobadider kathikarjyer seshe Osama Samrajjyobadider kathikarje lipto hoilen. Obama gosthi tokhon anudhabon korite parilo je khal katia kumir anoyon kahake bole. Kathi kriyay amod paiya Osama tahar probhukei kathi suru koria dilen jahar bisesh udhahoron 11e september er aghath.
Obama gosthir etotkaler somosto bayobik dombho sei agath e churno hoiya gelo ar tahader nischridro nirapottar jaha chidropoth chilo tahao prokashito hoiya uthilo. Tahar phol manabjatir pokkhe sukhokor hoilo na. Obamara Afghan deshtike shoshan e porinoto koriya phelilen.
Sei somay dari dekhiley jongi boliya sondeho kora suru hoilo pashcchato deshe. Ehar phole lokjon tahader bohu botsorer sompod shosru-gumpho tyag korite baddho hoiyachilen tobe Khourokar somproday probhuto labhobaan hoiyachilo.
Aboseshe dos botshor ar bohu orthobayer por Obama mohashoy Osama mohasoy ke somudre bishorjon koria dilen. Bishorjan kale dhak badyo ba topoddhoni hoiyachilo kina tahar kono songbaad lekhoker kache nai tobe Obama mohasoyeder hridpinder anondodhoni sara bisshobashi shrobon koriachilo.
Ekhon sudhu ehari oppekha je kokhon Osama mohasoy notun rupe ponurabirbhuto hoiben ar Obama mahasoyer sathe Kathi-kathi khelay lipto hoiben. Karon ‘Sa’ ar ‘Ba’ er moddhe je bishesh kono parthokko nai, ar tahara je mudrar dui pristho seta etodine manush bujhiya uthiyachen. Poriseshe ehai bolibo je O”Ba”ma-der asttito rokkharthe O’Sa’ma-ra biseshrupe proyojonio.

Ekti ‘Begunir’ attokotha

Ami Beguni, mor kahini,
korchi aj bornon.
Dukkher kotha, buker byatha,
sono mon diye jnogon.
Nahi kono gun, kopale agun
sokoler chokher beesh.
Kopal mondo, ghamer ghondho,
bohudur e mor office
Phele nana tope, merechilem kope
phelechi bohu jaal
Uthlona kaka, joley gelo taka
emoni pora kopal
Telebhaja ami, nischoi jani
moner kone tobu
Iccha supto, Indro-lupto
Sanai sunbo kobhu.
Dinar seshe, Madhur heshe
korechi bohu mitali
Shraboni dhara, pogar para
Smita hashyo gitali
Sorkari taka, baiker chaka
sopno bhongo nirjhor
jayga khali, pelei tuli
ami Eligible Bachelor
Khai khai sob, bondhu bandhob
ache besh kichu sores
thang dhore tana, ghartike bhanga
buker bathay Iodex
tobu rekho mone, khone kukkhone
lagbe amake jani
ei je bonge, chayer songe
muri telebhaja Beguni

Cross connection

“Hello, Sorbonash hoye gache”
“Jani, sorbonash howar porei lokjon amake phone kore. Apnara jodie agey theke ektu sabhdhanota abolombon korten tahole ekhon pochtate hoto na.”
“Ami to jothestho sabhdhan chilam, sokal sokale mukh dhuye snan kore gechilam, tao dekhi hoye gelo.”
“Are moshai, snan kore mukh dhuye ki ar eta atkano jay? Apnara je kobe eta bujhben jani na.”
“Ar koto sokal e jabo bolun to? Mone hoy ota kal raatei hoye gache.”
“Aj sokal abar kal raateo!! paren bote apnara.”
“Ki korbo bolun, daitto bole to ekta byapar ache, ar aj to office chuti kore diyeche, tai ar na kore thaki ki kore bolun?”
“Office o chuti ar apnarao ready. Thak ebar bolun kokhon ter pelen byaparta.”
“Aj sokale gelam, bollo hobe na phire jan. Tokhoni to janlam. tarpor okhaner ekjon apnar number ta dilo, bollo apnar kache complain korte.”
“Complain kore ar ki hobe, ja howar ta to hoyei giyeche. Ta jothajoto protection ki chilo na?”
“Haa, Police, homeguard sobai to chilo. Protection to bhaloi chilo.”
“Arey police diye ki ar esob atkano jay? Apnara je kobe sikkhito hoben?”
“Dekhun moshai, shikkha niye khota deben na. Janen ami Calcutta university theke MA korechi.”
“Ta seta kore ki hati ghora merechen? Apnar somossha ar kono mute mojdur er somosshar moddhe ki kono parthokko ache naki?”
“Hmm, thik e bolechen. ki kore je eta hoye galo. Accha ami ki thanay ekta F.I.R korbo?”
“Thana noy, thanay giye ki korben? Apni kono doctor er kache jaan. Amader kache sorkari haspatal er naam thikana ache. Apnake dicchi segulo. Sekhan theke binamulley chikitsha korate parben apni.”
“Doctor????!!!! Apni ki pagol hoyechen. Ekhane Doctor ki korbe?”
“Apnar chikitsa korbe, apnar rogta jate ar anno karo moddhe sonkromito na hoy tar byabostha korbe.”
“Amar abar ki rog holo, e rog to sara dehser, amader political system er rog eta”
“Apnara bangalira na moshai sob bishoye politics ke jurete bhalobashen. Bhool korlen apni, AIDS holo apnar ta ete politics kotha theke elo?”
“AIDS!!!!!?????@@@@####. Ki jata bolchen? Vote na dite parle abar AIDS hoy naki?”
“Vote? Arey ei roger sathe vote er kono jogajog nei. Apni nirbhoye vote dite jete paren. Sudhu…..”
“Vote dite jete paren.Bollei holo. Setai to gelam ar giye dekhi amar vote ta keu agei diye diyeche. Sokal sokal giyeo kono labh holo na. salara sure kal raatei kommota sere rekheche. Okaner ekjon apnar number dilo tai apnake phone korlam.”
“Vote dite parlen na ar BULA di ke phone korle boshlen? Ekhane BULAdi ki korte pare?”
“BULAdi???? Moreche apni ANONDO babu non?”
“Na eta BULAdir number.”
“Sorry Didi mane Bula didi, ora amake ei number tai diyeche. Amar kono dosh nei ete.”
“Thik ache, tobe mone rakhben , erpor theke phone korun ba onnokichu, sabhdhanota sobsomay bojay rakhben. Dhonnyobad.”

One such office party

Office parties are events happening once in a blue moon. Here we are served FREE food, free DRINKS & above all Free ENTERTAINMENT(after few pegs). The simple person sitting next to your cubicle can act like superman (or in cases Veeru of sholay, munni of dabang etc etc etc)after a few pegs. Here goes one such day, one such party, one such experience. Since I always have the liberty of stepping into others shoes, I will do that in this case too & get into the shoe of one of my colleague.
Office life never seemed so enjoyable. I was serving my honeymoon period (aka notice period) in the office. All I wanted was to make those 90 days the most memorable & enjoyable time in this tenure. So when I got to know about this party (drinks) there was no second thoughts for me on going there (though I did not get the invitation). To avoid the checking at entry gate we arrived an hour late in the venue. The checking is only done for the first 30 mins or so(Well, the guys doing that also have the rights to enjoy the party).
The first thing which caught my eye was the corner which was mostly infested by the blue brigade (that is the drinks counter). I made a promise to myself that today I wont stop before 6 pegs (declared that to my colleagues too) & quickly rushed towards the counter.
At the stage someone was showing some presentation regarding some achievements of some company.Oops it is my company (who cares when you have the Vodkas & Whiskeys luring you ) .They tried much to bring the audience near the stage but somehow the crowd preferred the diametrically opposite corner.
After an hour or so one of my friend asked “how many pegs?” “Three” I replied. After another hour the same question. “THREE” was my same answer. (at that time I could not figure out what was after three so decided to count like this.. one, two, three, three ,three…………THREE). Haven’t you heard about the term ‘gentleman’s word’.
With previous experiences of this kind of parties I knew that small fry’s like me always drinks like camels, eats like pigs & leaves(or gets carried by others) early but big shots waits till the crowd leaves & then start drinking like camels, eating like pigs & leaves(or get carried by others) at the end. Since I was none of the two (remember the honeymoon period) so I decided that I will start drinking with the small fry’s & end with big shots.
After 3 hours or so(could not remember exactly how many hours, as I was still stuck at three) some one got over bored and fell in the pool(3-4 ft deep). One big shot(I will call him Mr U from now onwards) asked us to get him out of the water quickly. He told “Hey , please get him out . If any incident happens today we will not have any such parties” “So the future of such party is your real concern” I thought. I took that guy out of his water bed & decided it was enough liquid for the day. Lets have something solid.
At the dinner table suddenly I found a hand on my shoulders. It was the same concerned Mr U. “So you have resigned?” “Yes” I replied.
“May I know why? Where are you joining? Who is your manager?”
He threw a volley of questions. I replied to the last one.
“I don’t know him. Who is his manager?“he said. I answered. Mr U did not know him too. Later he found a known person 3 levels up line to my manager. He took out his cell phone & called him. “Do you know this person(he told my name to him)? …….Okk” The conversation was over.
Mr U “Don’t think that since I am since I am sitting beside you I am same as you”.
“Not in my wildest dreams. I have much hair on my head & am better looking than you” I thought.
Mr U “Which college?”
Me “Heritage”
Mr U “Whats that? Haven’t heard about it.“.
“Thats your problem dude” I thought.
Mr U “Do you know from where I have studied?”
I was not interested.
Mr U “I have been to the IIT’s & IIM’s“.
“Whats the big deal? At the end of the day both of us are drunk by the same free vodka of the same damn organization” I thought, but remained silent.
Mr U “Do you know I own a BMW?”
“Now that’s some difference since I have a Maruti 800.” I thought.
Mr U “Hey.You are not believing me? I could have shown you my BMW but my wife took that to my in laws house“.
I remained silent.(And tried to look depressed since I Just missed my chance of seeing a BMW)
Mr U was constantly toggling between the topics. “Do you know I was a DJ in the IIM’s?”
He then told many things about his IIM days.
Seeing me not interested in this topic he said “Do you know that I can take away jobs of all the people sitting in your floor(Among them was his manager & the location head of Kolkata )?” “No f@!#$ng body can do anything to me here.”
During this time some f@!#$ng body heard our conversation & came to him.
“Hey U…… Its enough. Now go home.” That f@!#$ng body ordered.
“No ….da .This guy is not believing me.“. He pointed towards me.
(Now what have I done. I was listening patiently.)
But ….da seemed not interested in listening to him. He called some more f@!#$ng bodies the all of them carried Mr U out of the venue.
Later around 1 am in the morning I was also taken out of the venue by the security guards. And that’s how that party ended for me.

The Birth & Death of a Revolution

Every revolution starts from the Bed & ends there too. Hey dirty minds don’t think otherwise. By bed I am referring to dreams. Have you heard of any revolution in which the revolutionary minds haven’t slept before commencing their act?
The most prominent revolutionary minds are found amongst the Bengalis. Each of us have the potential to give birth to one revolution per day (sometimes even more than one during bangla bandhs, mohun bagan -east bengal matches, reality shows). The yield per day of a Bengali revolutionary mind can put the most productive chicken to a shame. Each day of a typical Bengali man will start with a revolutionary idea(the one conceived on the previous night). Night time is the best time for conceiving ( both revolutionary ideas & future revolutionaries) .This is the time when the mind is free of worldly thoughts(wife/children & their demands) & stomach full of rice & fish curry (10%) & water (40%) & gas (49%) & 1% of X factor(antacid). Here lies the secret of why the famous line was once uttered for us, “What Bengal thinks today India thinks tomorrow”.
Now lets see what these revolutionary ideas are.
1) Greg Chappel to be replaced with the demon (asur) during durga puja.
2) Effective home made cure of stomach upset, peptic ulcers, & other big & small diseases.
3) Hooting for Bula di to be the next CM/PM/President.
4) Bengali to be made the official language of India. (Just imagine how two Tamils will be conversing in Bengali).
5) Replace Rajnikant with our own Mithun’da. (Guys he is no less than Rajni & his teachings such as “marbo ekhane lash porbe soshane”, “ek chobolei chobi” should be spread all around the world. )
6) Posenjit replacing shahrukh khan & his movies to be remaked in all the available south Indian languages. (What would the south remake of “baba keno chakor & sasurbari jindabad” be called??)
7) All the reality contest winners should be from Bengal. (Similar to all the new trains being plying from Bengal now a days)
8 ) Removing the word “Metro” from delhi metro project as metro being the sole propitiatory of bengal. (It can be any thing such as local train/ uran khatola/ hawai jahaj but not metro)
9) Making Dada the captain of Indian cricket team till he retires on his own or till death. (whichever comes first)
Other than these Global ideas of revolution there are few minor local revolutionary ideas getting birth each day like.
1) 101 excuses for being late in office/ of getting a leave.
2) 51 processes to make your neighbors envy. (getting a onida TV does not come into these)
3) 501 ways to bargain with the grocer & fish seller.
4) 1001 ways to save your salary from the clutches of your wife. (Not a single one works though). etc etc etc.
Now the whole day all these ideas gets nurtured & cultivated in ones mind. Later while returning from the office in a “Metro” (in a hanging state) & getting abused by his wife for a glass of water(one glass of water equals 5 minutes loss of daily soaps/serials) at home all these ideas gets died down. With the final nail in the coffin coming in form of a request(order) for hike of the monthly extortion money (aka “masher khorcha”) just before going to sleep. The last words that each such revolutionary idea hears before its death are “DHUS SAALA… EI DESH ER AR KICHUE HOBE NA… JOY MA TARA…EBAR SUYE PORA JAK”. And this process continues…………..